Let’s dismantle the biggest lie you believe about yourself: You are not a “nice person.” You are not a “people-pleaser.” You are a highly skilled hostage negotiator, and you have been living in a constant state of crisis your entire life.

You re-read every email twenty times before sending, scanning for any possible misinterpretation. You apologize when someone bumps into you. You lie awake at night replaying a conversation from three days ago, terrified you said the wrong thing. Your entire life is a performance of agreeableness designed to prevent one thing: the catastrophic, full-body pain of someone being disappointed in you.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is not just “getting your feelings hurt.” It is a legitimate, near-instantaneous, and overwhelming physical and emotional pain response triggered by the perception of rejection. Research suggests this is linked to the way the ADHD brain’s emotional regulation centers in the cerebellum and prefrontal cortex are wired, creating an intense, whole-body reaction that is not a conscious choice.

The world has praised you for being “so easy to work with” and “so accommodating.” It has rewarded your perfectionism. What it has failed to understand is that these are not personality traits; they are the desperate, hypervigilant strategies of a nervous system that experiences disapproval as a mortal threat. The system didn’t praise your kindness; it exploited your trauma response.

You see yourself as a people-pleaser. This is incorrect. You are a threat de-escalation specialist. Your perfectionism is not a work ethic; it’s a tactic to prevent the “injury” of criticism. Your agreeableness is not an identity; it’s a camouflage to make you a smaller target. This is especially true in a place like St. Louis, with its deep-rooted professional culture where the pressure to conform, to have the right answer to the “High School Question,” and to never rock the boat is immense. Your brain learned early that fitting in perfectly was the only way to stay safe.

For the next 24 hours, just notice. Don’t try to change anything. Become an archaeologist of your own threat responses.

• When did you apologize when it wasn’t your fault?

• When did you say “yes” when your body was screaming “no”?

• What was the perceived threat you were trying to de-escalate?

Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It is a finely-tuned surveillance system that has kept you safe. The work of ADHD & executive function support is not to dismantle that system, but to teach you how to read its reports without letting it take you hostage. You are not broken. You are a survivor who has been working a second, unpaid job your whole life. It’s time to resign. We can help you draft the letter.