Progress Isn't a Checklist. It's the First Time You Set a Boundary and Don't Apologize for It.

By Liz Wooten, LPC

About the Author: Liz Wooten, LPC, is the founder of Enlitens and a rebellious academic dedicated to dismantling the broken mental health system. As an AuDHD therapist with years of front-line crisis experience, she brings a deep, lived understanding to her work. Read Liz’s Full Story Here

Let’s start with the truth: The week you fell back into your old patterns, the week you thought you erased all your progress, was not a failure. It was the most important and productive therapeutic work you did all month.

Last week, you were a rock star. You set that boundary with your mom, you didn’t immediately apologize for it, and you felt a surge of power and pride. You thought, “This is it. I’m finally getting it.”

This week, a similar situation came up, and you fell right back into the old people-pleasing script. Now you are drowning in shame. It feels like all your progress was an illusion. You’re not just back at square one; you feel like you’re in a deeper hole than when you started, and the hopelessness is overwhelming.

The self-help industry, with its obsession with “30-day challenges” and “upward-and-to-the-right” graphs, has sold us a violent lie. It is the lie of linear progress. This model, which was built for machines and spreadsheets, is not just unrealistic when applied to a human nervous system; it is a recipe for perpetual shame. It sets you up to see any deviation from a straight line as a personal failure.

You believe you are stuck in a chaotic, repeating loop of failure. You are not. You are walking a spiral staircase.

When you are on a spiral staircase, you are constantly circling back to the same point on the compass—the same old wound, the same difficult relationship, the same core fear. From your limited, ground-level perspective, it feels exactly like you’re going in circles. It feels like you’re right back where you started.

But if you could zoom out, you would see that with every single loop, you are a level higher. You are not repeating the past; you are re-seeing it from a new, higher, and wiser vantage point.

The Shape of Healing
THE MYTH (A Straight Line):
A linear path from “broken” to “fixed.” Every step back is a failure.
THE REALITY (A Spiral Staircase):
A path that circles back on old themes, but always from a higher level of awareness. Every loop is progress.

This isn’t just a nice metaphor; it’s a reflection of how your brain actually heals. The science of Memory Reconsolidation shows that to rewire an old, traumatic memory or pattern, the brain must first reactivate it in the presence of new, contradictory information (like the safety and skills you’re learning in therapy). “Circling back” to the old feeling is not a regression; it is a biological necessity for the work of rewiring.

“A ‘bad week’ is not a failure. It is a new view of an old problem from a higher floor. And that is the very definition of progress.”

Stop judging your journey by the metric of a straight line. Embrace the spiral. The next time you find yourself circling back to an old pattern, get curious. Ask yourself: “What is my vantage point this time? What do I see now that I couldn’t see on the last loop?”

This is how you measure real therapy progress. Stop trying to run a straight race on a map that was never yours. When you’re ready to honor the true shape of your journey, we’re here to help you climb.

Go Deeper Down the Rabbit Hole

The "Aha! Moment" Explained.

The science behind that “new vantage point” you get each time you climb another level of the spiral.

A Guide to Setting Boundaries.

A practical guide to the specific skill you’re working on, recognizing that you’ll revisit this work again and again.

It's a Nervous System Injury.

A guide to understanding the “old wound” you keep circling back to, not as a story, but as a biological reality.

*The information here is meant to guide and inform, not replace the care of a qualified healthcare professional. If you have questions or concerns about a medical or mental-health condition, please reach out to a trusted provider. The examples shared are based on general personas—no personal health details are used. At Enlitens, your privacy is a top priority, and we fully comply with HIPAA regulations to keep your information safe and confidential.

This is a Conversation,
Not a Debate.

This is not a space for debate or unsolicited advice. It is a space for sharing stories. We read every submission, and we will periodically feature the most resonant and validating stories here with the author’s explicit permission. Submit your’s below!

Liked the post?
Give it a a share!!

Sharing knowledge is one of the most powerful ways to support the neurodiverse community. By spreading valuable insights, we can help more people understand and embrace their neurodiversity, leading to more fulfilling lives. Click below to share this article and make a difference!

Take one second. That’s all I’m asking.

Do not try to “calm down.” Do not try to “fix it.” Do not listen to the voice screaming that you need to do something right now.

Just be here, with me, for one single breath.

My name is Liz. I’ve spent years working overnight in the ER, sitting with people on what was often the worst night of their entire lives. I have sat in the eye of the hurricane, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that the chaos you feel right now is not the truth.

It is a storm in your nervous system. And a storm is just a weather pattern. It is not you. It is not permanent. And you do not have to navigate it alone.

Right now, your brain’s alarm system is screaming. The logical part of your brain has been taken offline. That is a normal, brilliant, biological survival response. But you and I are going to bring it back online, together.

We are going to do one, simple, physical thing. This is not a bulls*hit mindfulness exercise. This is a direct, manual override for your nervous system.

Place your hand on your chest.

Can you feel that? The rise and fall. The rhythm. That is the anchor. That is the proof that you are here, in this moment, and you are alive.

Keep your hand there.

Now, we are going to make one choice. The storm is telling you there are a million overwhelming things you have to do. That is a lie. There are only three choices right now, and you only need to pick one.

If you or someone else is in immediate, physical danger and you need help on site, right now:

This is the button you push when you need the paramedics or the police to show up. This is the “bring the fire truck” button.

If you are having thoughts of suicide and you need to talk or text with a human, right now:

This is the national, 24/7 lifeline. It is free, it is confidential, and it is staffed by trained counselors who are ready to listen without judgment. This is the “I need a lifeline” button.

If you are in St. Louis, you are not in crisis but you are in deep distress and need to talk to someone local:

Behavioral Health Response (BHR) is our community’s lifeline. They provide free, confidential telephone counseling and can connect you with local resources. This is the “I need a local guide” button.